Yes, applaud the NHS, yes

I’m the fear stoker, the beard stroker
Occasionally congenial
Amenable to the ‘dear voter’
I’m not a civil servant but a competitor
With a hell of a recent history editor,
Yeah, I’m way ahead of ya
The back tracker, the fact hacker
The war in Iraq backer
I stopped listening when you attacked Thatcher’
The capitulator, the news faker, promise breaker,
The Ulster/Leinster/
Munster/Connaught identity mistaker
The white powder sniffer
The-stander-not-deliverer
The ‘Cocktails with Claudia Schiffer
Floating down the River’er
The crude stooge, the offshore tax haven scrooge
Well-rehearsed bullshitter
No rush, no blush, no rouge
The hawk, the hack, the all-talk
Keep the economy on track
Zero hours contract and military combat
The gaslighter, fast writer, class war fighter
Free school meal voucher miser
Turned supervisor
The Number Ten dweller, such a likable fella
Dogwhistler for white terror
Born into the right era
The media charmer
Mates with the puppeteer behind Starmer
Awkward selfie with a farmer
Wearer of white power armour
The Eton graduate, privileged to be inadequate
The most dispassionate, arrogant
Member of the cabinet
The double-speaker, heat-seeker
Feeding-on-the-weaker
A to-conclusion leaper
Friendly with the housekeeper
Midnight mauradin’, piggish
Wolfish, acting sheepish
Mansplainer, ‘can’t change’r
Coarser than sandpaper
I’m the protester kettler, your pro-West meddler
The immigrant unsettler
You’re sleeping with the devil, sir
The sexism tolerator, blundering debater,
Might have a red-tint to my lightsaber
But I write a white paper
The vindictive gin sipper
Show-no-teeth thin lipper,
Skinny dipper
The investor in the bodybag zipper
The demagogue defender
Ayn Rand cult member
The big spender
My best mate bailout money lender
The Unicorn cake baker
Gove and Vine double dater
The universal credit shitshow understater
The frontbench napper, Coldplay toe tapper
Po-faced, old age, road rage, soul sapper
I’m the three homes owner, austerity condoner
I troll Remoaners
Priti Patel, if only we only clone her
I’m the stick-wielding, carrot dangler
The word mangler
Warhorse wrangler
Receiver of glares from Angela
The face twister, the lover of the Tate vista
The new drug ‘no, you try it first, mate’ insister
The ashes of Grenfell under the carpet sweeper
School nativity innkeeper now the Grim Reaper
The subtle racist or am I the other kind
Key phrases to underline:
‘When I see faces, I’m colour-blind’
Working-class-into-debt driver, rottweiler
Distilled water stockpiler, I’m a survivor
In order to save lives we must act immediately
Let’s say: in a fortnight
I’m the master of expediency
The everything by GDP assessor
Official story stressor
The Windrush scandal suppressor
The NHS photo op arranger
Let me check the stock exchanger
I didn’t know Khashoggi was in danger
The child benefit freezer
The little Englander appeaser
Dagger ready, next in line to Caesar
Dreamer of atomic health
Believer in the commonwealth
Why won’t those Romanian
Fruit pickers just come and help?
The orphan child tear drinker
I’ll monetise the freethinker
Last little bit of hope in your heart sinker
Online criticism:
I can take an unhealthy amount
But since you know all this
Why am I not being held to account?